Monday, July 11, 2011

Last night after much discussion and going back and forth we went to the fireworks on top of Jake and Kristen’s roof. Eric was there but no Chris and Hiroka. The fireworks were beautiful and I did a lot of oohing and ahhing and I love you to particularly designed fireworks. There was a new kind that produced maybe 5 to 7 small fireworks that lingered as an image and then floated for awhile, all together. Eerie and beautiful. We woke at 10 am today. I had the slap pie that we made last night for a 2nd breakfast. Blueberries, strawberries and rhubarb with a mixed grain crust on top. Last night, the crust was the consistency of hot cereal but since it has been in the fridge for the night it hardened and formed up properly. I awoke to the daily rampage for the July wealth integration. It was a nice way to awaken. Just sitting on a blue, heavenly lounge chair bouncing a bit, listening to Paul talk about the normality of being wealthy now.

At the gallery for my shift this hot afternoon. I slept strangely last night, the cat pinning me to a certain spot with his long, wide body. A dream about pounding some bald person’s head over and over again in deep anger at not getting what I want. I woke up, angry at the sun for being so persistent. Oh well. I kept going back to sleep and allowing it to be a new, nearly refreshing starting place—even as I complained, I noticed a newness, a resignation. A thorough realization that I feel it is true that I do not know how to make money in a way that suits my personality despite all my fits and starts. So sweet and sincere. The true awareness that here I am, and it is fine…or it just is.

Sunday. The most beautiful day of the lilies blooming so far, and perhaps, ever. After a full day relaxing more around what-is in a way that I don’t think I have thus far, I feel soft. I feel like I can move forward from here with less effort than has ever seemed to be required. Summer has officially become itself. I am here. I am thinking of the beach. When I think of what I want to do it often involves the beach. Jamie is going to her beach house in North Carolina. John has already left for his family house in Nantucket, and later this week Nick, John and other friends will go to camp on the lake. I am looking out on the lake. Doug and Christine’s American flag is flapping playfully in the breeze. One dream I had before I woke was that Lillie had taken pictures of herself and friends. Honest, innocent portraitures like each of us looked as a happy child.

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